wedding speech openers

Firstly, just look at the man in that photo. Doesn’t he look sad. He looks like he’s driven hundreds of couples to their weddings but he’s spent his life alone, waiting for a woman to come along and marry him. Maybe some day somebody will be driving him to a wedding. But for now he has to sit and wait for the newly-wedded happy couple to come out so he can drive them off to their honeymoon. Poor driver. Nobody ever thinks of him. He’s just the back of a head. Well not to us he isn’t. To us he’s a hero.

Today, Ben was the official photographer at a wedding (where he took the photo in this article). Naturally, this led to us thinking about our own future weddings and what fun we could get up to. The obvious choice is the best man’s speech. Since we’d be each other’s best man, we’d be kind enough to let each other tell silly jokes. We came up with a few a while ago that we have agreed to use. The first was Mike’s joke to use at Ben’s wedding:

“I remember when Ben told me he was getting married… I had to console him for days.”

And then a joke to use at Mike’s wedding:

“I remember when Mike told me he was getting married, I thought he said he was getting murried, I had no idea what he was on about.”

Something tells us that Mike is going to get a better response to his joke. Anyway, today we had a bit of fun coming up with more wedding speech openers. Here are some of our favourite ones:

  • “I’d like to thank my mother for always believing in me. And my manager, Phil. We did it man! … Oh, sorry, wrong speech.”
  • “I remember when Ben asked me to be his best man. I was insulted, I wanted to be a bridesmaid. But Ben said I had to be a woman to do that, and those sex change operations ain’t half expensive.”
  • “I remember when Michael told me he was getting married. I thought he was joking at first. I still think this could be a joke to be honest. Gotta say though, this is the most elaborate and expensive joke you’ve done to date Mike. C’mon, this isn’t real is it? That was never a real priest, and I can tell you’re all plants. Eh? C’mon… … No? … Oh, okay. Well, good look to ya.”
  • “I remember when Ben asked me to be the best man, I originally wanted to be the DJ, but I don’t think Ben really likes death metal.”
  • “I remember when Michael told me he was getting married to Sarah. I’ve gotta say I was surprised, cos I thought he was better suited to Jenny. Mind you, I don’t think Precious is gonna be too happy when he tells her he’s married someone else.”
  • “I remember when Ben stole Laura from me…”
  • “I remember when Michael told me he was getting married. It was this morning at 10am. I had to borrow my grandad’s suit and write this in the car.”
  • “I remember when Ben told me he was getting married. It was right outside the church, just before the ceremony. I did wonder why we went to that strip club yesterday.”
  • “I remember when Michael told me he was getting married. I’m really looking forward to the wedding now.”
  • “I was very surprised when Ben told me he was getting married… his last three marriages ended tragically.”

And our personal favourite:

“I remember when Michael told me he was getting married. Y’know what, he shouldn’t have married her… He should have married me!” *tears clothes off* “Ahem… Sorry about that. It’s been an emotional day.”

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